I remember the first time I couldn't leave the bed... I remember that time being forced to play... I remember the first time I hated who I was becoming... I remember my first suicide attempt... I remember my first bipolar episode... I remember the second.

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I remember self-medicating... I remember pretending for my Spelman Sisters... I remember avoiding the mirror... I remember not eating... I remember eating too much... I remember when I decided to hug the bowl... I remember turning 21.

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I knew early my life was different. From my name-last, that no one ever got right, to the traumatic experiences that no one could protect me from... I always felt out of place. When that's your norm, you learn to love being a little different. You learn to hide in plain sight. You learn to pretend.

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There are a few people in my life that I can not pretend with... You helped raise me and love me beyond what most ever could... You were there when I was navigating the murkiest waters... You encouraged me to get diagnosed... You picked me up and spent the day with me while I cried... You answered the phone that morning I was home alone, isolated for Thanksgiving, suffering at my worst, and receiving texts from clients threatening legal action... You didn't hesitate... You took me to the hospital... You held my hand... You came to visit me in the hospital and held me while I cried... You held me down throughout my entire crisis and healing and wellness process... You showed me that you saw me because you saw my pain, recognized your pain, and sought your healing... You are the reason I started taking my medication... You didn't make me promise to make it through the day... You made me promise to breathe, moment by moment... You listened to me have episodes over the phone... You heard me summon death more times than I can remember... You listened to me say, without fear or hesitation, "Today, is the day... I'm going to die..." You believed I could be well... You trust God... You've been praying for me since my conception and haven't stopped... You gave me your last, more times than I can count... You paid for my monthly expenses for almost two years... You gave me a place to live... You paid for trips to make me happy... You drove to my house to get me, took me to your house just so I wouldn't be alone... You reminded me that I was capable of being loved... You celebrated my life with me by making more than one dream come true... You took me to hang out with your friends so I could socialize again... You made sure I had a warm and safe place to heal... You sacrificed your time, energy, space, resources, and your savings account to make sure I was happy... You made sure I never went without... You fed me little by little until I could eat three meals a day... You helped me safely gain 40lbs, my confidence, and my self-respect... You rushed home from work when I cut my wrist seven times... You didn't let me do it... You gave me free reign over your safe place and did so unselfishly... You believed I could be Morgan again... You challenged me to be a better person with so much anger and hatred inside... You tolerated my healing process and loved me anyway... You kept giving when I no longer deserved it... You put your own peace and sanity at risk to help me get better... You drove 60 miles to my house when you couldn't reach me... You helped me pack my house when the landlord sold... You helped me not swallow those pills that night... You told me to listen to your pastor on youtube because he had just released a series that was perfect for what I was going through... You gave me a shoulder to cry on, more times than I can count... You are the reason I went to First Tucker that Sunday... You counseled me to wellness... You introduced me to your family and they accepted me and loved me when my family was too far to hold me... You taught me that my smallest successes over fear were huge victories for my growth... You told me I could live the life I want with this disorder until you made me believe it... You trusted me with your truth and challenged me to get better with you... You told me that if I believed in the love of God, that I would never be alone... You invested in me so many times, I've lost tally... You saved my butt, more times than I can count... You drove me wherever I needed to go with no questions asked... You ordered me pizza when I was too hungry to walk to the store or too weak to stand and cook... You didn't yell when I ate all your ice-cream, cookies, & brownies, when you saw me laid across the couch asleep every time you came in from work, or when I used your bathroom because the other one was trash... 

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Or... Maybe... maybe you endured or have done this entire list times 1,000,000... for four years... suffering with me... in complete... and painful silence... 

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No matter the sacrifice,

I WOULD NOT BE HERE IF YOU DIDN'T DO WHAT YOU DID!

Yes, I'm being literal...

You SAVED my life!

Thank you isn't enough...